As I think of June, I think of the last time I would see my father on earth. It feels like yesterday that my entire world was shattered from the loss of my father.
It was 2001 and visiting dad in the pallitive care unit was extrememly difficult as each time I left I did not know if I would ever see him alive. The pain of leaving another time was agonizing.and going back to work really tore me apart. I was living five hours away from where my dad lay in bed dying with agonizing pain. It was with such turmoil to witness and hoping that the end of his pain would come sooner than later. Cancer had no empathy for the emotional turmoil our family suffered.
It was pure HELL to watch him suffer the way he did. It was like each move was unbearable. His end of pain finally happened on June 6, 2001 where the suffering and misery of this disease ended for him forever. It was devastating and relieving at the same time. Such a mix bag of emotions when the one you loved transitioned to the afterlife. I truly believed my father graduated to the next level of his evolution as I believe we are all energy. He had to make his journey as I had to live mine. Our connected lives on earth were severed forever. The thing that kept us connected with love that bonded our energies forever together. Through the memories of all the experiences was part of healing was truly a realization that his seed to my life was key to my being here and I am so grateful for that.
One thing that did stick in my mind was when I was a little girls my dad took my sister and I for a walk and he would sing "skip, skip to my lou", looking up at my dad I could see the pride in his eyes of having two girls appreciating him for his strength in signing and his love for us. Dad, always taught to keep moving foward and through his actions of being in nature was truly a healer for me during this time. His faith of something greater than ourselves was also part of the belief instilled in me that something beyond ourselves on this earth that I am greatful for. However, you see this as God, Great Mystery, Creator it is of the spiritual realm of miracles. The life and death rites of passage. The lessons in between will live with me forever.
That aside, I needed to gather myself to life and living because I had to be strong for my sons and continue on my own jouney of life.
Nature was my medicine just as dad taught me and I too took on walking in the early hours of the morning to connect and communicate with the universe. I gave thanks for the life I was given and prayed for a bright life all who impacted my life.
My father married my beautiful mom in 1955. They raised nine children and not knowing completely all the answers to how to survive and thrive with such a big family he and mom had great faith and love for each other. As a team they collaborated to ensure that we were safe, understood the importance of being a part of this cohort of making our family thrive.
We had a routine of chores, school, church, 4-H, community volunteerism if we had time, shared our skills with one another to help make things go smoother.
Dad worked out of the house as a teacher. He was known for his extra-ordinary vocals and how high he could sing like an opera signer. One could hear him from one part of the building to the next. We were so lucky to witness his genious at home, concerts in schools or at church. He was a strong man and at times very stubborn. We did not always see eye to eye but who does. We just have different perspectives with common end goals of having the best life ever. He worked tirelessly to provide for our family. Often working 8 hours at school and putting in another 6 to 8 hours after school. He demonstrated to us that learning various skills could really enhance our lives.
I will never forget my father and I want to thank you for absolutely everything you have done in my life.